Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
