He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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