Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
