Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
