Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
