I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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