I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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