It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I am naked and annoyed.
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