just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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