Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
how does that bad decision feel?
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