Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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