he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
