you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
