theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
