We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
