; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
