I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Text me some of your sweat
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize