She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
