U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
