Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize