grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
