I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
