For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
