Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
