dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize