When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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