So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
