I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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