Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Sorry about my life...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I want to fling myself into the sun
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
