Your face is a jimmy john
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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