I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I love how my cats smell like pot.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
