nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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