I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
