do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
