Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
