Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i think i have herpe
just one?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
