I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
