so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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