I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
