Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
