you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
