Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
