I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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