i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
