I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
