booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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