how can u be prego again
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
