How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sext me about skeletons
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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