guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Well I just put wine in my tea
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
