nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
