I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
They took my balls.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
