So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
