What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
