ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize