she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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