i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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