I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
soo... how was my night?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
