i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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