From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
