I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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