i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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