"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
