right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
we should paint friendship bongs
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