my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
