Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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