im drinking this country out of the recession.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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