Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
