Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
