I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
