Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
