i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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