i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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