I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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