She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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