We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
