I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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